Fall Into Place

Twenty-five years ago ...

APRIL 1993 - 41 pp.               April 2

[Okay, I have a March 30 entry but no March 31 or April 1 entry. Feels a bit like the White Queen telling Alice in Through The Looking Glass that the rule is jam tomorrow and jam yesterday but never jam to-day ... a bit ironic since we watched the Disney movie Alice Through The Looking Glass which bears only the most tangential relationship to the book! There definitely is no Time King in the story, at least.]

I wonder at times what the fuss is about having a special someone. Whenever I am around people who (I would like to,think) are my friends, something tumbles out of my mouth that I would never seriously say to another person. I wish I could take back a lot of things I said today, but I know that I cannot. I wish I could take back suggestions that I have made, comments that have sexual overtones, and a lot of needless small talk -- but I cannot.

I love you, Lord, but is it too much to ask that someone love me? Not a one-night stand -- I don't want to be one of these Stetson [University, where I was in my junior year when I wrote this] star gigolos that dangles three or four women on a string. Not a dependent -- I don't want to spend every waking hour worrying over her; she shouldn't be that overly reliable on me.

I need to place you first, Lord; then everything will fall into place. Help me not to brag about myself excessively.

Ephesians 5:15-21 (in response to my last statement) 

Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. (16,17)

I want to know, Lord, what your will is. All I see now are bits and pieces of it; I don't know if I want to see the whole thing. Part of me feels that it is selfish on my part to ask you for anything -- I place myself above others, while as disciples of Christ, we are called to be servants of others.

THINK before I speak; LISTEN before I speak; LOVE before I think. If I can go along this path, then my joy in you will be complete.

Don't worry, I know this was long -- I used to journal for pages!

But looking at this now, a quarter-century after I wrote it and well before Martha, Sarah, or Jeffrey were gleams in my eye, and having chosen this entry to quote because my Wii Fit Age showed up as twenty-one (twenty-five years ago, see top), I find some of my observations on life ... aren't that different.

With Easter Sunday, Resurrection Sunday, and April Fool's Day on the same day today for the first time since 1946, we got to church today and then met the extended family at my in-laws' house for Easter dinner of ham, corn, mashed potatoes, Mountain Dew, apple pie, pumpkin pie, and coffee. (Oh, I didn't eat all that, but I did fill up!)

Then we had the egg hunt -- for the four youngest, who'd be Sarah and Jeffrey with their older cousin Josceline and youngest cousin Trevor -- in the still unmelted snow. Yet the sun still shines.

And so will I, falling into place.

David