Who Do You Think You Are?

[I finished writing this yesterday -- it's the play we'll be performing with puppets in Bethany Lutheran Church's Parable Playhouse that I teach -- after making sure I had my Bible right. At first I thought Goliath would come across as this blustering bully, often the analogy we use for a "David meets Goliath" fight in our own vernacular, but as I got to writing it it changed for the better, I think. -- David]

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

The story of David and Goliath

drawn from 1 Samuel 17

CAST

DAVID, a shepherd boy and youngest child of his family

SAUL, king of Israel

ELIAB, David's oldest brother serving in the Israelite army

ISRAELITE #1, fellow soldier

ISRAELITE #2, fellow soldier

GOLIATH, giant Philistine warrior

GATHER, king of Gath, a Philistine city

DAG, Goliath's shield-bearer who stays next to him until the very end

PHILISTINE #1, fellow soldier

PHILISTINE #2, fellow soldier

Other ISRAELITES and PHILISTINES split between the class size you have.

SCENE I

SHOCHOH.

GOLIATH, the tallest person in the room, strides out (every move of his is exaggerated, play it up!) to the center of the room facing the stage where the ISRAELITES are.

GOLIATH: (in a loud voice, to the ISRAELITES) WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Come on down and face me, one on one! (pause, then turns away in disgust) Pah! Israelites!

GATHER with two PHILISTINES approaches and GOLIATH with DAG bows to him.

GATHER: (to GOLIATH) Well done, Goliath!

GOLIATH: Thank you, your majesty!

GATHER: There's no way the Israelites have someone to match you, Goliath. We've been here near forty days now, and they're just sitting there!

GOLIATH: Exactly, my lord! Let us just march in and smash them now.

GATHER: (interrupts GOLIATH) NO, marching in is just what they want us to do. So convinced that their (GATHER coughs) god is going to save them with some last-minute trick! Besides, I don't want to lose my entire army fighting their (GATHER gestures to the ISRAELITES across the room) entire army. (GATHER looks up to GOLIATH.) They'll send someone out to meet you, and then they're ours!

GOLIATH looks out at the ISRAELITES again, and leaves behind GATHER and ISRAELITES.

SCENE II

VALLEY OF ELAH.

SAUL, two ISRAELITES, and ELIAB enter from stage left.

SAUL turns toward others on stage and wrings his hands.

SAUL: Have you seen the size of that guy?

ISRAELITE #1: (confused, to SAUL) Looks like he works out,

SAUL: No, I mean how tall he is. More than six cubits high!

ISRAELITE #2: (to audience) Oh, that's nine and a half feet. Which is tall.

ELIAB: But he's just one man! Our God created him too, didn't he?

SAUL: (raises his hand for silence) Your point, soldier?

ELIAB: Your majesty, we've heard the same challenge for forty days from him – “Israel, send out your strongest man. If he defeats me, then we the Philistines will become your slaves. If I defeat him, then you the Israelites become our slaves.” Sounds fair enough.

ISRAELITE #1: It's the whole “become slaves” part that worries me. I mean (puffs up his chest) we're God's people, we're the children of Israel!

ISRAELITE #2: We were slaves –

SAUL: Our ancestors were slaves –

ELIAB: Yes, Your Majesty, and we'll never be slaves again! Now WHO'S going to kill Goliath?

Silence.

SCENE III

DAVID enters stage right and meets ELIAB his brother, with ISRAELITE #1 coming behind him.

ELIAB: (who sees DAVID, and says this with some contempt) Ah, and here's my little brother David, fresh from King Saul's palace –

DAVID: (interrupts him) Not today. I'm coming from our dad. King Saul sent me home (DAVID whispers) until the next time El Jefe goes crazy (DAVID speaks normal) and our dad sent me here with some food for you. (DAVID goes through his pack and brings out food – bread and corn and cheese.)

ELIAB: Yum! We'll eat good tonight guys! (ELIAB reaches for the food but DAVID stops him at the cheese.)

DAVID: (to ELIAB and ISRAELITE #1) Actually, the cheese is for your captain, where can I find him?

SAUL enters stage right and meets DAVID on his way out with the cheese. Before he can say anything, GOLIATH shouts again.

GOLIATH: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Come on down and face me, one on one!

DAVID: Your Majesty, who was that?

SAUL: (takes a moment, then speaks to DAVID) That is Goliath of the Philistines. He's a giant who's challenging one of us to face him and beat him in a fight.

DAVID: A giant? What's that?

SAUL: (to DAVID) He's tall and strong. More than six cubits high!

ISRAELITE #1: (to audience) Oh, that's nine and a half feet. Which is tall.

DAVID: But he's just one man! Our God created him too, didn't he?

SAUL, ELIAB, and ISRAELITE #1 look toward DAVID.

ELIAB: Sure He did.

DAVID: So who's gonna fight this 'Goliath'?

Silence.

DAVID: Never mind, I'll go do it! (says back to the others) Weak as water!

SAUL: (recovers himself) Wait, David … if you're going to fight Goliath, take my armor!

SAUL mimes removing his armor and giving it to DAVID, who puts it on and then weaves about until he falls over.

ELIAB and ISRAELITE #1 help DAVID to his feet.

DAVID: (after “removing” armor) Thank you, Your Majesty, but I can't wear this, it's too heavy.

SAUL: But how will you fight Goliath without armor? Here, take my spear –

SAUL mimes handing DAVID a spear, but after he “takes” it he falls forward under its weight.

DAVID: (to SAUL) Your Majesty, I can't fight with that either.

ELIAB: (bursts in) Then what are you going to fight him WITH? I don't think you playing the harp is gonna relax him.

DAVID: (looks to ELIAB) No it's not. I'm going to fight, and I'm going to beat Goliath the same way I beat a lion or a wolf when they're attacking our sheep.

SAUL: (to DAVID) And how's that?

DAVID: Watch me.

DAVID leaves stage and actor holding him crawls down where GOLIATH is standing and DAG is crouched next to him. PHILISTINES are behind GOLIATH ready to march and looking down on scene; SAUL and other ISRAELITES remain on stage.

DAVID looks up to GOLIATH.

DAVID: (to GOLIATH) They weren't kidding; you are big!

GOLIATH: (looking down and seeing DAVID) Is this a joke? I could serve you with fava beans and a nice Chianti!

DAVID: And I'll serve YOU, giant, with the call of my God!

GOLIATH: (grinding his teeth) Surrender!

DAVID: You want to surrender to me? Very well, I accept!

GOLIATH: Oh I will SO rip you apart! (GOLIATH moves toward DAVID and he backs against the wall. GOLIATH pulls out his sword.) And now …

DAVID: You've got me right where I want you!

DAVID releases a stone from his slingshot – something the puppet can hold easily – and GOLIATH reacts to the stone impacting his forehead by falling forward as dramatically as possible.

SAUL: He did it. David did it! (SAUL, ELIAB, and ISRAELITES dance around on stage.)

DAVID: (to SAUL) God did it, Your Majesty! (approaches GOLIATH, takes his sword after DAG runs away) Now, Goliath, we'll see if you qualify for severance pay. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

PHILISTINES look aghast and flee before the ISRAELITES.

DAVID: (to audience) It's not who I think I am, but who I know God is!

THE END

© 2013 David Alvin