2. Item Thirty-Five's The Punch Line!

[Some I agree with, some I don't, but I appreciate their style and I am doing my best to not implicate the guilty. Enjoy! – David]

1. [The poster and her son] took the elders to the hellmart. It's gonna kill me but I don't wanna stop again. I feel so dirty buying cream cheese for my cinnamon rolls here. How much penance am I facing for giving this place money?

2. I want homosexuals to know that when they accept Jesus Christ as their Savior, they WILL BE SAVED, and how and when they forsake the sin in their flesh is between them and the King after that. I'm a sinner too, so I have no right to be the sin police. I'm a former fornicator myself.....living with my husband for a short time before we got married, and it takes time after He rescues us spiritually to be able to conquer the sin in the flesh. Their progress and growth rate is not our business. That means that when you see a homosexual, you better NOT judge them. They may have received Christ, and the changes on the inside just haven't manifested on the outside yet.....

3. Something for both employers and ambitious employees to think about …

My father, who was the most customer-oriented businessman I’ve ever known, had two firm rules when it comes to the treatment of customers. First, when a customer walks in, stop whatever you’re doing and give him ALL your attention. Second, never argue with a customer, no matter how wrong you may believe him to be.

Which brings me to today’s world of laziness, incompetence, negligence, and sloth. Since so few employees have the slightest interest in pleasing customers — or even being civil to them — the individual who displays a customer-oriented attitude stands out like a Ron Paul disciple at a Republican convention.

The attitude of a company toward its customers should be: “How may I be of the greatest service to you?” Every time you run into rudeness, poor service, or indifference toward customers, you’re witnessing a business that is actively inviting competition.

Attitude may not be everything, but it’s an excellent place to start.

4. I decided I was going to go home, and no one was going to stop me. Of course, it was closing time.

5. feel a real sense of accomplishment and am feeling not a little braggy. Much younger than most who finish a Bucket List...I just today finished my Bucket List. My list had only one goal: have a Bucket List. Whew. I breathed deeply the fresh air outside and felt proud. Really, really proud.

Bucket List:

1. Have a Bucket List

HOLLA!

6. 1564 words down and an unexected sort of sex scene..now time ot be a odmestic godess and see if i can do a little housework today. what are your plans?

7. Sarah is upset,the law mowing crew that works for the township ran over a bird. So I went into the house grabbed gloves and buried it under the tree,she said now is playing with all the other little birds that aren't here no more

8. Somehow I think I have figured it out some people should donate blood and I dont mean just a lil blood I mean all of it

9. You got:

Ronald Reagan

You are real and you keep it real like no other. While some may disagree with you at first, your no-nonsense approach at life always works for the good of everyone. You can kick butt for sure. You are the true American hero!

[The question: Which U. S. President Am I?]

10. I know there are a whole lot of you guys out there who are very diligent about seeking out events on the net that could be a part of our prophetic puzzle. I appreciate it when you guys add something to the wall that is of prophetic importance.... I can't be watching events and studying at the same time. I check the news periodically - but nothing big is going to happen in the news before the KING shows up I doubt.

ALL OF THE EVENTS ARE IN PLACE!!! We are SO RIPE for the rapture, we need to expect Him every single day!!! I've been able to narrow it down to the end of this year responsibly (i.e. what I can prove). I'm working on narrowing it further. We have two possibilities with these blood moons. All eight gives us TIMING.... We know the midtrib point comes just after the 6th seal is opened....a blood moon accompanies that seal....

That means the trib either starts by the end of July....or by the end of the year, depending on whether it's the 5th or 6th blood moon that appears at the 6th seal. When I weigh them, I'm thinking 6th - because He's longsuffering. He will take it right down to the wire. That's how He always does things.....great precision. Also, because if He doesn't shorten the days, no flesh would be saved according to the Word. The trib has to end before the end of 2021, or I'm wrong about when the generation started. I don't think that is the case because the tetrads confirm my results. Those blood moons are giving us TIMING...... The King is SO cool!! I love Him!!!!

Matthew 24:22 And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect’s sake those days shall be shortened.

Mark 13:20 And except that the Lord had shortened those days, no flesh should be saved: but for the elect’s sake, whom he hath chosen, he hath shortened the days.

He's coming THIS YEAR according to my research, and I've got dozens of other forms of confirmation on this timing. Get this......the red heifer they need to cleanse the temple mount to prepare to rebuild the temple is now 5 months old. They have to sacrifice it at two years old. If they miss the timing, they miss the ability to rebuild the temple. That temple is going to be going up probably January 2016....that's 18 months from now..... OH, ISN'T THIS EXCITING??

Also, STAYPUFT....aka Pope Francis/Antichrist has now decided to speak to the people about how this global economic system that we have now is OLD and OUTDATED, and CLOSE TO COLLAPSE. He would know......he's got his finger on the crash button. He's telling the world how a new system would be so much better!! He did fail to mention that your participation in his new economic system is dependent on whether or not you take a mark in your hand or forehead, and agree to bow down to him.....because once you do, you're his dog on a leash.

The antichrist is here, and positively identified. I did the research myself....that's what I do - study. We can PROVE he is the one, and we can also prove beyond doubt that he is RAPIDLY fulfilling the prophecies. We need to expect the King any day, any time......because it can't be much longer!!!!!! We are NOT here to see that treaty signed....and the A/C is moving like the energizer bunny to get it done.

THE KING IS COMING!!!! THE KING IS COMING!!!!

ARE YOU FINALLY READY TO BELIEVE HIM NOW THAT YOU CAN SEE THESE BIBLE EVENTS HAPPENING WITH YOUR EVERY OWN EYES??

3500 years of 100% percent accuracy........and now we see that accuracy rate continuing as the prophecies are being fulfilled right in our faces. That means if you have a single brain cell......you are going to cry out to JESUS CHRIST immediately before the invitation He's given you expires. If you WANT to be saved, you are receiving an invitation. Those He doesn't invite can't accept, because He doesn't allow it. They brush it off as foolishness.

1 CORINTHIANS 1:18 For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.

1:21 For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

1:23 But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness;

1:25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.

IT IS THE FOOL WHO THINKS THERE IS NO GOD.

PSALMS 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

ARE YOU A FOOL? OR, ARE YOU GOING TO ACCEPT THAT JESUS CHRIST IS REAL, RETURNING SHORTLY, AND THAT LIFE IS MORE THAN YOU KNOW. THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!

I'M JUST REALLY GLAD THAT THE CREATOR OF ALL THINGS IS THE MOST HIGHLY EVOLVED HUMAN......I THINK THAT'S AWESOME!!!!

11. 128

Out of everyone who took the test, you're in the group that'll live the longest. To be honest, none of us really know why. Your answers were interesting but not too weird. So no clues there. It's probably just that: you're a very lucky human being!

[The question: How long will I live?]

12. dear 18 wheeler... just because you got yourself in the WRONG lane and I am a little car doesn't mean you can just PUSH me where you want me dude.. I was the one in the correct lane. BULLY...

13. Okay so verdict is in....volar subluxation of the lunate. This translates to I'm being referred to a hand specialist for major wrist surgery that should have been done months ago. Hopefully will get in with the surgeon next week.

14. We owe it to our allies to fulfill commitments, regardless of which political party is the president. It use to be that an American President was someone who could overcome party affiliation and bring all sides together. During times of military conflict we make promises to people. For instance, we promised the Hmong that if they helped us to fight in Vietnam then we would repatriate them to the USA. We lied, I've met many embittered Hmong soldiers abandoned to a miserable fate in remote jungles. As for Iraq, the govt during the Bush administration made certain promises. Those must be upheld regardless of who is in office. The same as Bush was responsible for legally fulfilling whatever Clinton promised. Otherwise, we are seen as the Great Big Liars around the world. In a place like Iraq, there are a lot of different types of groups. We empowered those who valued democracy and not raping and murdering women. Now our govt is handing those "wimps" over to death to by the radical "we hate women" groups. Internationally, there is very much a butterfly effect. What happens in Iraq today will in some way affect the tomorrow of each of us. Of course we should be focused on the USA. Of course, we should avoid unending international civil war. But, by golly, if we make a promise we'd better follow through, or we become exactly the untrustworthy spoiled people that the world accuses us of being. (David, I loved your reference to the prime directive. If you'll remember the episodes that Picard, or others, went against the prime directive, he/they took the responsibility to follow through, risking his crew, to protect a planet full of aliens in jeopardy.)

15. Who knew that talking about your own death can also bring a lot of laughter! But it does!

16. "A Ben & Jerry's factory worker feeds chunks of chocolate-covered toffee into an augur..."
I'm not usually a grammar Nazi but this means they feed chocolate into a Roman oracle who divines the future by observing the flight pattern of gregarious birds.

17. I have a rant to shout via Facebook !!!! I do not usually post what upsets me but this has to do with social networking. Here it goes.....

It has come to my attention that many people who use social networking think that a "post" constitutes the same as a personal conversation. I think many people who I know personally think it is ok to just "post" things such as Happy Birthday or I hope you are all right instead of some sort of personal communication. How did people lose such a personal touch with friends and family that we no longer have "real" conversations.

I love when people who have been close to me for years no longer feel it is needed to reach out and still have that personal involvement with each-other
Children feel they only have to post they love parents , or happy Mothers Day or fathers day via social network, I find this simply unacceptable!
My take is if you post it via a social network it is not personal!
If you love someone tell them !!!!
You want someone to feel special do something personal...dinner , a card or a cute note written by you or call them !
People we need to bring personal communication back to our lives and quit thinking that social networks are the best way to keep those bonds with our family and friends.

18. Gomez: [as he helps Morticia out of a trap] Leather straps, red-hot pokers!
Morticia: Later, my dearest.

19. Awe, I am here. Just not there. Sorry

20. I am devastated. I just ran over Hagrid. I think I only nicked him, but I'm incredibly upset. I've NEVER ran over anything! Was going to get [her daughter] off the bus and I was taking the van since I had to bring the boys and didn't want them running all over creation (they've had listening issues lately). SO I drove. I didn't even know Hagrid was outside! I had just seen him in the house No idea when he got outside. I even looked under my van, I always look behind my tires for this very reason, and right now we have 2 baby kittens and their feral mama outside living around our house so I am EXTRA super diligent I don't back out fast, I go slow. I'm always paranoid a kid or something will be behind me so I go slow. As I was backing out...I felt a little bump, and instantly felt sick to my stomach and stopped Hagrid ran and went under the neighbors house, limping on his back leg (but still using it). Of COURSE the boys were with me when it happened They are upset, and we had to tell [her] and she's mad at me. I Feel like the crappiest person ever, and I do NOT even want to tell Kenny about what happened to HIS cat.

21. Don't dismay if God puts someone in authority over you in your life who is a real jerk......whether it be an employer, a landlord, a teacher at school, or family members at home. We are all tested to see HOW WE RESPOND TO A POSITION OF AUTHORITY at some point in our lives. God will give us authority on our job, or in other aspects of our lives - and the test is to see WHAT WE WILL DO WITH IT.

If we are the type of person who takes authority God gives them over others, and uses it like a dictator - stomping on our subordinates JUST BECAUSE WE CAN, then we have proven that we are inadequate to be trusted with the power God wants to give us.

We are to use our authority JUSTLY........while remembering that WE TOO have an authority who is going to deal with us precisely the same way that we deal with others. SO.......unless you want God to act like a dictator in YOUR FACE, consider very carefully how you treat those who God has placed under your authority. Unjust rulers will have no throne in heaven.

22. An entire chapter of my book was lost because LG&E trembled and hid when it heard the thunder rolled. Lights went off and the electricity went out. I don't want to dis anyone but please try to keep up with RECC.

23. When did you last hear a sermon on obedience? The topic doesn't typically draw large crowds, as it sounds too much like following orders or submitting to laws and commandments. After all, didn't Jesus come to set us free from all that? No, not really. . . He came to set us free from the law of sin and death “so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us.” In other words, He set us free *from disobedience.* Christian liberty frees us *to obey* our Father’s commandments.

Charles Stanley

24. All teachers teach as God leads them........that's why I don't judge God's servants when people ask me if I think a certain teacher is true or false. God leads the false ones to do what they are doing, just like He leads the true ones

 

 

25. And the thunder rolls across the Valley of Lies back up into the Heavens to await the rains that will fall as teardrops...
(okay. that's my way of saying, yes. It's thundering and lightening and fixing to rain here)

26. Today, my 85 year old grandma saved me from a black snake (they aren't poisonous, but bites still hurt lol). She laughed at me, then told the snake to get on across the driveway and go down the hill...and it did. My grandma speaks snake.

27. I don't understand... Why is it that even when you're flying to the new Death Star in "a galaxy far, far away", you still have to change planes in Atlanta?

28. Forgive and forget - then move on.

29. I guess the upside of blacking out and cracking your head on the floor is that once your blood pressure stabilizes, they give you free apple juice.

30. I honestly don't get why people hate on [the Spider-Man story] one more day that much. Peter makes a deal with the devil and people have decided that's bad for some reason. His aunt was saved from death by it, his secret identity became a secret again, is body horror organic webshooters turned back into regular devices, Harry Osborne comes back from the dead for some reason and since they said everything happened as is just without the wedding ring so Peter and MJ still had a really long and fulfilling relationship in the past with them both being free to move on. Peter got all that and all the devil got was cancelling a wedding years ago. Peter made out like a bandit.

31. Obviously I haven't had enough coffee yet. My pet peeves needle was pegged this morning.
Brief review:
they're - they are; their - possessive, belongs to them; there - a location
two - numeric as in two people, too - also; to - a preposition (e.g., Give it to her) or is used to show the infinitive form of a verb (e.g., I want to scream).
affect - a verb, your poor grammar has an affect on my attitude; effect - a noun - the effect is it expresses ignorance in the wrong usage.
reign - what royalty does. The Queen reigns; rein - the straps on the tack that you use to control a horse. ( free rein - is giving the horse it's own head, allowing it to choose the path) rain - the wet stuff that falls from the sky.
rouge - the tinted makeup used on your cheeks; rogue - uncontrollable, undisciplined. The agent went rogue; that guy in the romance book is a rogue - not a rouge. He may wear it but that's his business.
PLEASE brush up on your grammar before sending work to an editor!
I won't even go into the punctuation.
I shall obtain more coffee now before the rest of these edits send me into orbit.

32. Just talked to Abbie!!! I can hear her smile in her voice! And- she found peanut butter so she is eating!!! Praying for the last couple of days of her trip and so excited to hear how God is using her!!!! Miss her so much but SO proud of the amazing young woman she is!!!!!

33. Only two presidents in American history have been impeached. No presidents have been removed from office however. Andrew Johnson, who became president after the assassination of President Lincoln, was impeached by the House of Representatives in 1868, but he was later acquitted (ruled not guilty) by the Senate and remained President. The second impeachment came in 1998 with President Bill Clinton. The House successfully impeached the President for perjury to a grand jury and obstruction of justice, but again the President was acquitted in the Senate and he finished his term in office. President Richard Nixon, who was involved in the famous Watergate Scandal, was never impeached because he resigned before the impeachment hearings took place.

34. My husband love answering the door for the delivery with no shirt on.

Hubby is a big man with lots of Booby. I told him to stop doing that....the man tells me that he's making the world a better place, because now the delivery people will be happy to tell a funny story to their family.

The man is not normal...

I blame his mother for this...i just know she dropped him a couple of times when he was a baby. Even if she will not admit it.

35. A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.
"It'll never work, honey." he says to her. "Crabs walk sideways and we walk straight."
"Please," she begs her father. "Just meet him once. I know you'll like him."
Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.
The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloved's family. He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!
On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster's house as straight as he can.
Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter.....
"I knew it! Here comes that crab and he's drunk!"

36. It's no doubt going to be good for business, but it's yet another paper-cut on the soul of the movies.

37. What would happen if every church in America quit teaching theology and started teaching encountering God? And let GOD teach the theology.

38. A journey of revelations to bring what is Insight out.... A descent into the darkness to discover an unseen light

39. a good morning text and good night text are always so sweet to get.. A good morning text lets you know that your the first thing on there mind when they wake up.. A good night text lets you know that your the last thing on there mind before they go to sleep...*

40. Fishnet
Heals
vibratin panties

41. Signs that you are raising a diva.

Sign #2: What coming in before it rains she says, "I had to come in before I melt. "

WOW

42. If something is not happening to you, doesn't mean it's never going to happen. Sometimes you're just not ready for it.

43. They sat at the table and stared wishing she'd feed them there. But she would not dare for if she gave them an inch they'd take ten and walk all atop the table top being naughty furry little friends.

44. Speak freakn life not death over people.. Jeez!:) lol

45. As my son's psychiatrist says, and she's a pediatrician as well, there are parts of the brain that aren't developed enough for some of these problems. Dr. Helene Hubbard

46. well well well, im going to be deleting this profile, i will not have another again. i receny found out someone that i thought was a friend has allowed there kids to be friends with my ex husbands family members; inturn they have access to my profile. i know this may seem dismal to many but to me its very unacceptable due to to severity of how and what my ex says and did in the past. as for this so called friend we are done. you are untrustworthy and a liar. when you try calling either you will be blocked or my number will change and you wont be getting through to get more info to pass out about me to anyone. btw im not the only prrson you fucked over, im not the only person to have to change my number. its ok i know your mad because i dont have the drama in my life that you do, as my man says you are a product of your environment. if you cared about yourself or kids you wouldn't have the bullshit in your life that you do but than again its really just entertainment for yourself. its ok im just glad i got to see the truth before i continued to let you lie to me and god only knows say about me. shame on you.

as for any of my family please PM me for a phn exchange so we can at least keep contact...

[a friend] please get ahold of me privately

[a number] - you know my ideas please get ahold of me

as for everyone else have a good day, i will keep this open for one week starting today then its officially shut down for good

47. In the media event of the century, all eyes watch as the Visitors transport shuttle descends from the New York Mothership and lands on the roof of the UN building.

48. It makes no sense to me how this camp regards marijuana usage as sinful, and alcohol as an "abhorrent beverage from the very pits of hell", but has no issue loading us up on Monster energy drinks and expresso shots. Caffeine is a drug too lol. And the artificial sweeteners and refined sugars that concentrate these drinks are anything but healthy.

Nevertheless it's been a great week and I had an awesome time. Over the past few days I've witnessed beautiful inspirations through the Spirit of God and the teachings of pastor Kevin. Proclaimed atheists have accepted Christ and been baptized in his name. Secular "Christians" have dedicated their life to serving God and had their sprit revived and their faith restored. Truly I have never seen such emotion, repentance and love displayed in all my life.

So many people I've thought about today. So many people I wish could have been here with me. God is real friends. Your belief in him or lack of does not change the fact that he is.

He didn't put you here to leave you to fend for yourself. He wants a relationship with you. He wants intimacy. Turn to him and you'll never regret it.

I love you guys!

49. I can do better
I can be better
I can be okay
I can be all together

50. Im a shy n friendly chicky.
dont fuk with my Daughter or my family i can be a bitch.
But id rather stay single than deal with an asshole guy i feel will try anything to distroy me. Ex pics videos.
Sorry im still friends with all my exes but my Daughters Dad he was an abusive prick.
I refuze to feel like im trapped in a relationship again all i want is to be happy n treat a guy the way i do like a special person i pamper n all my men.

51. I just got a private message from someone who told me not to quit writing because it's God's gift to me. I know any writer or would be writer in the world would love to hear these words and I'm newly inspired!

52. It's no doubt going to be good for business, but it's yet another paper-cut on the soul of the movies.

53. I Feel So Blessed. I Am In A Position That I Am Helping Others And I Don't Care If They Get To The Top Before I Do! ‪

54. "Three bodies that were discovered by the IDF in the Hevron area have been confirmed to be those of kidnapped Israeli teens, Naftali Frenkel (16), Gilad Sha'ar (16), Eyal Yifrah (19)"

Nothing has moved the Israeli prime minister to defend his country and now three families are grieving over their sons. If Netanyahu gives a speech to console them and then considers he's done his part, I'll throw up.

Sorry - I had to vent.