Nineteen Days To Christmas, she liked that i called her my beautiful mommy...

One has to appreciate the irony that I the writer of the family can't think of words to say marking the death of my mom.

(Well, at least I don't know that my other brothers and sisters – technically I have twelve and because either their father or mother was the same as mine and consequently their mother or father was different from mine, they're really step-brothers and sisters, but we've always called each other brothers and sisters – have written books or regularly publish. But I could have missed something.)

I asked my sister Jeanni who's traveling from Texas to get to the funeral tomorrow as I write this yesterday for permission to repost what she had to say (she's seven years older than me, that's her with my mom in the accompanying photo from the early 80s, I believe) and she gave it, I am thankful for that. I BELIEVE I've found something that fits I wrote a few years ago, but I may not get it to the funeral in time even if I send it out today …

So here are Jeanni's words – I really liked them:

she liked that i called her my beautiful mommy...

when i was in high school she would still pack my paper bag lunch and one day i found a hand written little note inside that said "i love you, have a good day, xo mommy" i still have it. ...

when my boys were still little there was a time when my mom lived with us. i absolutely loved having her there. i was a single mother at the time and she helped tremendously with them.

the boys would spend every other weekend with their dad... and mom and i got into the routine of dropping them off and then going to dinner and a movie. we really enjoyed our little mommy/daughter date nights...

when i disappointed her (and i sure did, more times than i'd like to think about) she didn't show it and she never made me feel ashamed of my failures. her life wasn't easy, she carried a huge burden of guilt around with her... which luckily we had the chance to talk about and she knew i had wanted her to forgive herself because i held nothing against her.

she wasn't the perfect mother... but she was the perfect mother for me... and though i know it was a trick... she truly made me believe that i indeed really was her favorite...

my heart is forever altered as this heartbreak is a permanent mark i'll always carry with me...

i will love and miss her every day...

you will always be my beautiful mommy...